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Review by The Ninja Master I watched this movie. I deeply regret it. While I admit it has some merit as a film so bad its fun, that doesn't outweigh the level of lameness this movie attains. If you enjoyed this movie, you are either: A. Really, really into the character of Ghost Rider, and able to enjoy the campyness of this film more than is natural B. Nicholas Cage C. A douchebag Reasons For Slaughter: Ghost Rider is based on the comic of the same name, an attempt to cash in on the recent success of adaptations such as Spiderman and X-men. This movie has so much wrong with it, it makes me wish I had spent those hours diving off the roof of my house into hard concrete instead. Let's get straight to the core of the problem: the action was horrible and the lines were incredibly corny. If the action were good, I could overlook some of the worst lines in history (especially from Blackheart, the film's villain.) Which brings me to my next point, why the action was so sad. One of the enemies, a demon from hell, gets killed by one punch. He's supposed to be super powerful, isn't he? All of the bad guys die lame deaths, without ever doing anything. The main villain looks like a douchebag when he should be a monster resembling Blackheart from the Capcom games. Instead of looking cool and kicking ass, he cries a little bit, then...
(SPOILER ALERT) ... gets killed by a long, loving look into his eyes by Nicholas Cage. Seriously, it's called the Penance Stare. While the concept is cool, if you survived till the end of the movie, you are at least hoping for a crazy monster transformation from the bad guy. Maybe an intense action battle. Instead, he just cries extra hard and dies. (SPOILER OVER)
Let's move on to... If The Ninja Master Made This Movie: In this version, the first half is relatively unchanged, as it wasn't that bad compared to the rest. The only cool part from the original, the old cowboy Ghost Rider, shows up out of nowhere and shoots Nicholas Cage in the face. He rides off on his flaming horse (pun not intended, he really does have a horse that's on fire) and goes to fight Blackheart. Blackheart transforms immediately with the following notable changes from the original: He's a huge monster, he massacres thousands, and he's armed with a script not written by a 6 year old. The ensuing battle destroys half the world, which shifts off its axis and crashes into Mars. Everyone dies. Note: It's not that I hate Nicholas Cage, it's just that his character in this movie needed a good old fashioned bullet to the face. |
           
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