Cheerleader Ninjas

Review by The Ninja Master

This movie is not worthy of the word Ninja. This is easily one of the worst films EVER made, and a prime example of why some people shouldn't make movies, they should make...themselves die. If you liked this movie, you are either:

A. Really, really drunk and probably cracked out, and also a dumbass

B. A sadomasochist (if you enjoy feeling pain, I can't think of anything more painful than watching this movie.)

C. A douchebag

Reasons For Slaughter: I just want to say that writing this review is sort of my version of a public service announcement. This movie is bad enough to kill people, and by steering you away from it, I may just be saving your life. You can thank me later, but for now lets get on to the review.

Okay, so it has Cheerleaders and Ninjas, how can it possibly be so bad? This is one of those movies that got shot on a budget of $12.. The cheerleaders are horrible looking and their acting actually sets a new standard for bad. The one on the front is supposed to be someone famous, but guess what, she's not actually in the movie. She randomly appears out of nowhere in a "dream sequence" and literally does a porno scene for a few minutes before the movie reverts back to normal. What the? I sometimes dream the cast of this movie spontaneously bursts into flames, and wake up with a smile on my face. I wish that would actually happen in this movie, because then there would be a grand total of one good scene. The plot is so bad I'm not even going to try to describe it, but you probably don't expect a good plot anyway. What you would expect is a campy movie that makes fun of itself, but nope! The jokes are so bad they aren't even funny in a campy sort of way. The action is so beyond terrible it's not even action, and in between attempted softcore porn and fart jokes, you wonder why life is worth living.

This movie is supposed to be "so bad it's good." At least, I hope they didn't really intend to make a movie that wasn't campy and horrible. The problem is, it's SO bad it's not even campy, and it's so lame it'll bore you to tears. Some guys may hope to catch a glimpse of hot cheerleaders and schoolgirls, but believe me, your eyes will thank you for skipping this movie. Rhinocerous are more appealing than these moronic porno rejects. You will probably find yourself wishing they weren't dressed as Cheerleaders, and hoping they would put more clothes on and maybe go back to Preschool. This is without a doubt one of the greatest failures of mankind, and I for one feel shame at living in a world where this has sold even a single copy.

Let's move on to...

If The Ninja Master Made This Movie: The cast prances around being stupid and crying, with the director (who I assume is also the producer, because who else would fund this garbage?) grinning to himself like a dumbass. Suddenly REAL Ninjas leap from the sky and slaughter the whole cast, crushing the terrible actors with both fists of steel and blades of fire. Hearts explode and limbs become airborne as a tornado of swords tears through the Cheerleaders and makes it's way towards the Director. The Director, cornered, tears off his human mask and reveals that he is Satan. The ground breaks open and he dives into Hell, narrowly escaping the angry Ninja. He survives, and as long as he can find someone dumb enough to act in his movies, the world will never be safe. Beware!

Ninjasaurus Rex:


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