Shoot 'Em Up

Review by The Ninja Master

Holy crap, this movie was like watching myself go on a carrot-induced rampage. In other words, it was fantastic.

THINGS THIS MOVIE CONTAINED:  Paul Giamatti saying "nice nice" as he glances at a dead woman, intense gun battles, Clive Owen making carrots seem hardcore

THINGS THIS MOVIE DID NOT CONTAIN:  Mozart flavored Pancakes, rollercoasters, Treebeard the Ent. Untrue Fact: Carrots are more dangerous than guns.

The Review:  This movie stars Clive Owen as a guy that shoots the hell out of everything. It starts with him eating a carrot looking badass, when a pregnant woman passes him pursued by men with guns. Clive ends up saving her and protecting the baby, and there the story starts. Oh, and the villain is Paul Giamatti. I know, Giamatti a gunslinging bad guy? But he works great in this. It's all around crazy action with a lot of comedy thrown in the mix. Every time Clive leaves his house, stays in his house, or does anything at all, a group of bad guys finds him and the baby, along with a hooker (Monica Belluci) he's enlisted to help raise the kid. The action is fantastic and over the top, but most of all it's just fun.

Clive Owen's character does everything with his gun. If he needed to scratch his nose, he'd probably do it with a well aimed bullet. Paul Giamatti is insanely fun to watch in this, probably because he takes on his role so perfectly. Everybody shoots one-liners almost as often as bullets, and you know from the start what kind of film this is. The excellently choreographed gun battles will make you go "damn, that was cool." If you like fun movies, and you like action movies, you love this movie already.

If you're looking for some awesome gun fights and badass characters, you want to see this. It's just so much fun you couldn't get bored if you wanted to (and who'd want to get bored, anyway?) Grab a carrot and go see Shoot 'Em Up.

Complaints: Not enough shooting. Just kidding.

On a side note: The Ninja Master is so good he can shoot your bullets right out of the air with his. He once shot a speck of dust floating through space past Saturn. With his eyes closed. Without even touching his gun.


Ninjasaurus Rex:

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